Yesterday, I was sitting there and typing on my laptop. I found my hands look unfamiliar as if they didn’t belong to me anymore. It seemed my soul was floating above my head and overseeing everything. I know people call it disassociation. Over the years, I’ve been getting so used to it. Even to a point I think I might’ve enjoyed it.
A while ago, I realized that whenever I try to journal something sorrow and tender, I always write them down in English. I was wondering aboht the machanism behind it, until the other day I saw someone saying that talking in a foreign language gives them a sense of security and a comfortable distance from the world. I figured it might because when I’m not using my mother tongue, the unfamiliarity of that language amplifies the physical distance between me and my emotions and the reality.
Oh, I bet this is just another form of disassociation. To be honest, I used to be so closed up , and now I tried my best to be there for people in my life to make sure they know they are important.
However, lonesome is just a state of mind, and there’s nothing I can change about it.